I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
