I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
