It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
