I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
