Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
