Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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