Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
