there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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