I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
