She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
