Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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