Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
