Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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