i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
