Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
