I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
