someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
