She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
