i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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