jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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