I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
