Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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