your room smells of hookers.
And success
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
