my mouth tastes like poor choices
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
