I need help removing her.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
