just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
