can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
