just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
