Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
