Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
