I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
