Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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