So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
