Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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