just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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