Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
