i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
