The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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