My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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