it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
