I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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