I got chris browned last night
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
