Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
