the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
