we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
