So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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