I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
