TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
