i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
