he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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