Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
