So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
