after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
