living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
