atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I need to stop coming to work sober
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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